Made someone angry? Create something positive from what's happened

How much about this situation is about them RATHER THAN YOU? 

Done something which made a person angry?
Did you aim to make them angry...or was it a genuine mistake?
What is the 'gremlin' within them which is giving them permission to be angry?
You can sort this out... and learn more about YOU at the same time

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Consider the possibility that it may be more to do with them than YOU 

First though what can you do to make things better?
The 5 languages of love will help you decide your best approach for this person.

At the same time it will help you if you identify what the feelings are inside of you which their anger has created.
Remember these feelings will have, most probably, been initially generated in childhood and will be operating at a deep subconscious level.
Let's use this as an opportunity to remember your own hurt which their anger has triggered and put this seemingly negative event to positive use.

This emotion has an energy behind it which you can use for yourself now in a positive way rather than dwelling on what has happened and going inward and blaming yourself or feeling shame. It will not help either you or them to sink into a place of despair. Instead try to release those thoughts.

A positive mind set plus positive self-messages are important.
Together these help us stop the barrage of thoughts of blame and self hate which are invading your mind. Create a clearer space in your head to make good judgements on what is REALLY happening here - rather than going into our unhelpful defaults - it's all my fault, how stupid I am, I'm a failure. NONE OF THESE ARE TRUE! 

Remember - the mind can only think about one thing at a time so let's make the thoughts positive, constructive and caring and shut out the invading, self-destructive, thoughts.

CLOSE YOUR EYES NOW and take yourself to a beach, beside a still lake or on top of a mountain – wherever is good and safe for you and take 3 deep relaxing breaths breathing out into the ground
   

You're now in a better place space to think about the best approach to DEAL POSITIVELY with this situation

SCENARIO
You've just burnt the work surface which they've put in for you - with a hot saucepan! 
In that split second you were in a bit of a panic and did not put it onto the skillet which you do every other time. You know from the 5 languages of love that they will need an 'act of service' from you - say you will buy something to protect it to stop it getting any worse.

At the same time you feel these feelings of getting things wrong and a feeling of shame flooding up from childhood experiences. 
You can now channel this potential energy into something more positive rather than sinking into a space of despair and self loathing - which will not help either of you.

Actually it's ME who burnt the work surface and I've channeled this potential energy into creating this blog for you. I'm using the actual experience to LIVE the feelings and observe how I react - then respond. I honoured and owed up to the situation with him and said how sorry I was and heard what he said and what it brought up for him and asked him how I can resolve it for him - for us! 

     
Remember it's only us who can change those thoughts

Understanding of the science of the Neuroplasticity of the brain helps us realise HOW a thought can have a physiological effect on the neurons, our brain cells. Your thoughts can create new pathways in your brain which will benefit you throughout your life. Neuroplasticity is the 'muscle building' part of the brain. BUT this will take a little time plus your commitment to make the change. 

KEEP SAYING THEM EVEN IF YOU DO NOT THINK THEY ARE TRUE

I value myself even though I've made them angry

I am calm and collected.

I am valued and respected within my relationship.

I am safe, I love myself.

I love and accept myself as I am now warts and all

I am at peace 

Fake it til you become it – the brain is rewiring itself

Your thoughts are creating and defining you
When you think positive thoughts you are becoming a more positive person; when you think resourceful thoughts you are becoming a fully functional person.

‘Power Poses’ makes us feel more confident, despite what our minds may tell us.
   

 

 

Those rubbish thoughts are invading again 

You have a CHOICE as to what you think about, it’s really as simple as that, but the hard part is breaking the HABIT of those old thoughts ‘whizzing’ around our minds. 

Keep bringing yourself back time and again to the positive thoughts. Treat yourself the way you would treat a puppy dog - " come back, come back I know I got things wrong but come back to me for a hug".

This is a new way of being and you can TRUST that, in the same way as muscles get stronger as you use them, your mind will become more able to stay more positive as you keep the positive words in your mind plus a positive attitude in the body. Whatever it is you are thinking about you can shut it out - until you can actually do something about the situation or say the things you want to say to the person concerned. 

Until you can actually act on them the thoughts are completely ineffective and maybe even self-destructive.

Now you’re ready to imagine and clearly define your best resolution to this situation. 

NOW is all that we are able to change. The past is finished and the future is yet to come.

All you can change is NOW in the moment - so make every thought positive and caring for you. This really does work and the concept of neuroplasticity explains how this is the case.

What has happened is an opportunity to grow and become a stronger you 

Work with me to CREATE SOMETHING POSITIVE WHEN THINGS ARE GOING WRONG 

Find out more about Coaching You

CALL OR TEXT ME to book your FREE 30 minute chat to find out how I may be able to help you: 07974 400575
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