The 5 languages of love

Understanding ways to work with each other 

It's great when we know what makes our partner feel special
It's likely that it's not going to be what makes us feel special
Becoming aware of our differences helps us to deepen our relationship

“Each of us has a primary love language,” Dr. Chapman said in his famous book, and often secondary or tertiary ones. To help identify your language, he recommended focusing on the way you most frequently express love. What you give is often what you crave. Challenges in relationships arise because people tend to be attracted to their opposites, he said. “In a marriage, almost never do a husband and wife have the same language. The key is we have to learn to speak the language of the other person.” 
1. Words of affirmation
2. Acts of service
3,, Receiving gifts
4. Quality time
5. Physical touch 

Words of affirmation
Does your partner appreciate compliments and encouragement? Remember even if this does not float your boat it's not that they lack self esteem it's simply the way they know that they are getting things right and this matters to them. These 'bolster' words don’t have to be complicated; the shortest and simplest words of affirmation can be the most effective.

“That dress looks incredible on you!”

“You always make me laugh.”

“I love your hair today.”

Words mean a lot to a person with this love language. Compliments and an “I love you” can go a long way. On the other side, negative or insulting comments can hurt this person and they may take longer to forgive than other love languages. Gifts are not as important as words yet will also be welcome.

If you think this may be their language of love then become a little more aware of what you are saying to them and try to find and say those little regular words of encouragement. You will be supporting both them and you as your relationship flourishes.


Acts of service

Your partner might have this love language if their motto is “Actions speak louder than words”. This love language expresses itself by doing things you know that your spouse would like. Cooking a meal, doing the laundry and picking up a prescription, are all acts of service. Sometimes it’s a man doing DIY around the house too. They require some time, thought and effort. All of these things need to be done with positivity and your partners ultimate happiness in mind in order to be an expression of love. Actions out of obligation and with a negative tone are something else entirely.

Receiving gifts 

No, this love language isn’t necessarily materialistic. It just means that a meaningful or thoughtful gift makes them feel appreciated and loved. Something as simple as picking up their favourite ice cream after a long week at work can make an impact on this love language.
This is different from ‘Acts of service ‘ – those are purely helpful and taking work off your partners plate.

Quality time

This love language is about undivided attention. No TV no phones or any other distractions. They like to be your main focus. Dedicating time together will help them feel comfortable in a relationship. Every time you cancel a date or postpone time together or are distracted by something when you are with them can be hurtful to your partner.

Physical touch
g is more impactful than the physical touch of their partner. They feel most connected when you are simply, holding hands, stroking their hair, kissing, hugging etc. If this is their primary love language without touch they will feel unloved. All the gifts and words in the world won’t change that.



These are just small excerpts from a very wise and useful book. 
The 5 languages of love by Richard Chapman - do check it out!  

Work with me to understand your best approach with your partner

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